A Message from Adeline
Hi everyone,
It has been two weeks since Francis took his last breath as I lay beside him, listening to his heart, and the time has simultaneously flown by, and stood at a standstill. I wanted to reach out and say hello, and thank you.
Firstly, I am so heartened and thankful for all the support that I have received and felt, either financially or emotionally, by note of encouragement on the Kudoboard or private message by email, by meals that have just shown up on my doorstep and by the incredible numbers on the GoFundMe. I have read each message, as did Francis before he passed, and we reminisced and laughed about all the memories that were shared. Please know that Francis loved seeing all your notes and pictures, and commented that it was the first time he had seen many of the photos.
The last 15 months, from Francis' cancer diagnosis in October 2019, until his death earlier this month, have been heartbreaking, relentless, crushing, joyous with the birth of our daughter and the brief remission period, and ultimately, one of the most challenging periods I've ever had. In many ways, I am still numb and processing everything that has occurred, as I try to collect my thoughts, my worries and the grief that has permeated every fiber of my being during this time that has passed too quickly, and seemed to drag on forever. The adventurous life that Francis and I led, moving from city to city, country to country, making new friends and routines, meant that in many ways, we depended on each other for the big and small things. The loss of Francis is surreal and devastating. Francis was a willing partner in our beautiful life, driving to far off destinations on a whim, gamely throwing a kid or two into a cargo bike to test out new playgrounds or bakeries (a hardship in Europe, I know), or hosting old and new friends around a table filled with food, games and laughter. It struck me as I was reading the Kudoboard how he led an incredible life filled with genuine friendship, authentic silliness and limitless enthusiasm and how fortunate I was that he folded me into his arms, and into his life.
I know there are a few questions about what we might do next. Though technically Francis had returned to Canada last year for his stem cell transplant, I, and our children, stayed residents of Seattle. With Francis' blessing, we are going to stay in our house, with our job/schools for the next few years, and continue to remember why we moved to Seattle in the first place, once the pandemic eases off a little, of course. It won't be easy, as our house has more memories of a sick Francis than a healthy Francis, but in order to give some stability to the kids, this is where we need to be. Childcare is of course a concern, one that I haven't quite figured out yet. The pandemic has caused so many unfortunate ripple effects but luckily my mother was able to cross the border in time to say goodbye to Francis and will help me for the next few weeks with the kids, including remote schooling for Felix. Lisette, Francis' mom, who has been with us since Francis returned to Seattle from Vancouver, will be returning soon to Quebec. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we will figure it out one tantrum and breakdown at a time.
Due to the pandemic, I'm sure that you will not be surprised to hear that we won't be holding a funeral or celebration of life anytime soon. Francis' wishes were also that he be cremated, which occurred earlier this week. However, it is our wish that he be remembered in other ways, which I will share soon, but it won't be just one thing - because Frank never really just did one thing, ever. Firstly, we will be sharing a slideshow highlighting Francis' life on February 3 to mark one month of his passing. The slideshow will actually be up for viewing on your own time, however, if you'd like to join us at 6pm PST (Seattle-time) know that you'll be joining others (privately) as we light a candle, and raise a glass or a cuppa, and celebrate a life well lived. In the coming months as travel and gatherings are allowed, we will organise events both in Vancouver and in Quebec that allow us all to grieve and celebrate together. As a hint, it will likely include frisbee, a BBQ, some campfires and quality time with friends and family, with some absurdness thrown in for good measure. Please continue to check in on this website, and sign up for the notifications for all the events mentioned above.
I know that many of you want to do more, and would like to help in some way. Thank you to all who have reached out to my friends Stacey and Mara and have been patient as we navigate this new and not-entirely-welcome stage. In lieu of flowers, Francis and I had a few ideas.
Firstly, to those of you who can give blood or platelets or are eligible to join the stem cell registry, please consider doing so, pandemic considerations applying of course. From the stem cell transplant onwards, Francis was pretty dependent on both red blood cells and platelets, needing at least one or more transfusions a week. The fact that we didn't need to worry about the supply of these blood products is in large part due to the volunteers who continued to give blood during the pandemic, and for that, we are forever grateful.
For those of you who still want to make a monetary donation, please consider your favourite charity, or an organisation who has gone through hardship during these times. We have felt extremely supported and loved during this period, and we'd like to share this support and kindness forward. Many of you made some great donations in celebration of our wedding over 7 years ago, and I'm looking forward to hearing about all the worthwhile organisations that you assist in memory of Francis. (That said, our GoFundMe is still active, if you really want.)
Finally, one of the hardest things we've had to come to terms with, is the fact that Francis won't be here to watch his kids grow up. To sing ridiculous songs with them, share tidbits of wisdom, or just be his smiling, active self in their presence. Frank left a few videos for the kids, and together with the photos and videos of our lives together, as well as the Kudoboard memories, I will be putting together memory boxes for the children. If you have any photos, words of advice, funny stories that haven't already been previously shared, or if you want to include a handwritten note or card, please feel free to send it along to myself in Seattle (please contact myself or Stacey or Mara for my address). The Kudoboard is also a place to continue to share memories, if you so wish.
I'd like to finish off by reiterating how much Francis felt loved by us all. A social beast by nature, it really took quite a lot to slow him down - something that even his children and several moves to new cities were never successful in doing. During this period of cancer, until almost the end, Francis never gave up hope that he would once again be able to pop by with food, celebrate a birthday or holiday, sit around a campfire or take in a hockey game - one that either was being watched, or one where he was beating you all on the Playstation whatever-it-is-now. One of the things he told me often in those final days, was how he held no regrets in the life he lived. I'd like to think that we all played a little part in giving him a life that he loved, and for that, I thank you again.
Please hug your close ones tight.
With love, Adeline
